Newcomer Jules Paymer kicked off 2023 with their single “The Daughter That My Mother Wanted.” A collaboration with Miki Ratsula, the vulnerable track puts into words their experience of being non-binary and queer while navigating complicated emotions around belonging and inadequacy.
This single, along with the rest of their discography furthers their mission to “write the songs I wish I’d heard growing up.” However, Jules and Miki aren’t just writing for their listeners, they are writing for themselves and their inner child, an experience that they brought to life in the accompanying music video.
We chatted with Jules about the single, their upcoming debut EP featuring “Mommy Issues,” and more.
What inspired you to write your emotional single “The Daughter That My Mother Wanted”?
“The Daughter That My Mother Wanted” is an ode to the girl I could’ve been if I didn’t become myself. I’ve spent a lot of my adulthood stripping off layers of the girl I used to be, and recently realized that the girl I used to be was actually just the girl my mom forced on me. It was never a choice, it just was. I’ve taken enough time to get to know myself and who I truthfully am, and I am immensely proud of that person, but I still feel the guilt of not making my mom proud. This song is about the unsettling feeling of growing into yourself and apart from your family.
How did you get connected with Miki Ratsula and what was it like working with them on this song in particular?
Miki and I had been mutuals on some socials and I was a big fan before we even met! They ended up hearing the song and writing their own verse to it, and I knew very quickly that their voice and story brought a whole new world to the song. We became fast friends and wrote together for both of our solo projects as well. Working with Miki was and is so inspiring and incredible. It’s such an honor to be able to create a piece of music like this with them. To have another non-binary person who has similar family situations and childhood traumas is rare, and to find someone like that who also makes music is just so meant to be. I feel super lucky to create with them and be their friend.
How do you hope people feel after listening to the song?
I hope people can feel like they finally have music written about them and their stories. I want them to feel validated, heard, and most of all, I just want them to feel like they’re not alone, (because they’re not!)
In the music video, we see you with a younger version of yourself. Was it healing to film the video?
The music video feels like it completes the song. The video really dives into the relationship between each of us and the girl we used to be, and shows off me and Miki’s individual stories as you meet the younger versions of ourselves. You’ll see young Miki trying on their brother’s clothes, and you’ll see a young me struggling with their long hair and cutting it off. I was crying on set and it still makes me cry when I watch it, it breaks your heart and puts it back together again all in 3 and a half minutes. The filming process was unreal. To be able to hang out with the actors who played us was so special, and so healing for the both of us.
What impact would a song like this have had for you as a kid?
I am constantly trying to create the music that I never had when I was a kid. I think that if I had this song back then, I would’ve felt like I wasn’t crazy. I remember feeling so isolated and like something was wrong with me, and hearing other stories like this would’ve made me feel like I wasn’t alone in that. Also being a young kid who was still in the closet, seeing two non-binary artists would’ve given me so much hope for my future.
What was it like to see your words played out in the music video?
Seeing my words sung by the actor who played the younger version of me was my favorite part of the whole experience. The first scene of the music video is young Jules looking right into the camera and singing the words I couldn’t find back at that age was incredibly healing for me.
What has it been like navigating the music industry while being your authentic self?
To be honest it’s been very difficult to navigate the music industry while remaining truthful to myself. I’ve been told to change the pronouns in my songs so it doesn’t sound like I’m singing about a girl, I’ve been told to dress different, not sing about my queerness or identity… you name it, some straight dude has said it to me. The industry is difficult in the first place, and being in it as myself is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but at the same time, the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. I really do feel like I’m doing something important and it makes it worth it.
If you could set fans up in the perfect environment to listen to the song, what do you imagine it would look like?
I think there are two perfect environments to listen to this song. If you reallyyy want to commit to being sad, it would be your childhood bedroom sitting on the bed, holding a stuffed animal, potentially childhood photos on the walls, sitting next to a box of tissues. The other option, I would say, would be on a long drive preferably with no destination, where you can scream the chorus at the top of your lungs!!
What can fans expect from your upcoming EP?
My upcoming EP Girls Will be Boys takes you through a range of emotions all written through the lens of growing out of your old self and becoming who you were meant to be the whole time. It explores growing up, queerness, and falling in and out of love with family, romantic relationships, your life, and most of all, yourself. This EP means everything to me. I can’t wait to give it to the world.
What is one quote that you have heard or that you go by that you want to ECHO out to the world?
Good people break bad rules